I'm back at last. Its interesting that the first thought that comes to my mind when I feel upset is this space. A space of my own. Without any fear of judgements , I can be who I truly want to be. A bitter person who finds nothing worthwhile. Just imagine what would happen if I said that aloud, I would be crucified.

Dear Allah mian,

Today's blog is a brief conversation with you. Although we do talk alot otherwise and I want you to know Im trying my best not to be complaining and count my blessings but its getting a little more difficult than I thought. This doesnt mean I dont appreciate the blessings you have given me, its just the heart has grown greedy. As you know theres too much going on, one of us lost the job but what truly broke me was a minute long voice note from a very closed one.  I have always taken pride in not being distracted by what the world says around me or not depending on others for my needs but not sure why a voice note has turned my world upside down and I have known that person all my life! no surprises there! I have always found myself to somewhat self-centered and I try to fight it off as much as I can but I also know where it comes from.  Dear God, help me fight it one more time. I cant let this put me down at a time when my family needs me most. Give me the strength to do whats expected of me. 

Ameen.